tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42181360557923804032024-03-13T22:13:08.647-05:00Divorced at 50Or how I survived the loss of my best friend of 32 years and landed on my feetVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.comBlogger136125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-35740237918223571552013-11-28T21:50:00.000-05:002013-11-28T23:13:43.897-05:00Thankful - lessons I've learned to stay whole and healthy
Image from Lauren Conrad.com
It's been ages since I posted an article on this blog. There are many reasons for this - health, work, family. Family most of all. My parents are aging rapidly and they need my help, and I've undergone a couple of operations, one on my right knee, which hasn't improved the situation much. From your comments I see that I have hit quite a few nerves, so I will Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-14721365683934607412012-02-25T09:50:00.018-05:002012-02-25T20:53:30.173-05:00Divorced after 44 yearsI talked with my mother this morning. (I am so blessed to still have her and treasure each of our conversations.) She told me about a couple from high school. "Did I remember them?" she asked. "Yes, but not clearly," I said."He's left her for a 57-year-old woman he met during scuba diving lessons. They were both taking the same class.""How long were they married?" "Forty-four years."That's all I Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-17220277809484154282012-01-27T19:55:00.010-05:002012-01-27T20:49:14.825-05:00The Stress of DivorceNo one can predict how they will react to the stress of divorce until it happens to them.I never thought that the time would come when my soul mate would leave me. We had survived over 26 years of marriage, the first six of which we worked during the day and attended school at night. We could not sell our first house and had to carry a mortgage while paying rent and attending school, never Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-62445240083474566822012-01-06T00:09:00.007-05:002012-01-06T00:50:00.222-05:00January, the month for divorcesI certainly didn't know on January 4th, 2000 - the day that my husband informed me he was abandoning our marriage - that January is known as "Divorce Month" and that the first Monday of the year is known as "Divorce Day". This makes sense, of course, since the spouse that is leaving probably made it their New Year's resolution to opt out of the marriage. During our last holiday together, I did Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-66948426527381455272011-12-07T11:01:00.004-05:002011-12-07T11:01:00.806-05:00Dealing With Anxiety After DivorceIt happened suddenly when I was walking my dog - my heart raced painfully in my chest, I felt faint, and I struggled to breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack. These were my symptoms:Surge of overwhelming panicFeeling of losing control Heart palpitations and chest painTrouble breathingHyperventilationTrembling and shakingI ran to my doctor, who diagnosed an anxiety attack. He put me on Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-31718964169427187292011-11-30T17:57:00.001-05:002011-11-30T23:29:46.245-05:00Life After Divorce: Living in the MomentI recently wrote a post about my fear for the future and my old age. One way that I combat my anxiety is to concentrate on the present - the beauty of the sunset, a peaceful morning, success in completing my projects, and enjoyment of the book I am reading. I look to my dog for guidance. He is happy when he is fed or simply near me, and looks anxious when he is confused or lost. Once he deals Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-30511073795139759022011-11-14T13:18:00.001-05:002011-11-14T13:18:00.071-05:00Divorce Party InvitationNow here's something to wrap your mind around: divorce party invitations. As this blog states:Most divorce parties are held when a couple is finally independent of one another, in other words, when the divorce is finalized. An alimony party may be held a year or so after the divorce, when the one party is no longer paying alimony to their past spouse. Most divorce/alimony parties are centered Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-91302090543224854262011-11-07T08:00:00.002-05:002011-11-30T23:24:50.119-05:00How Long Does is Take to Recover from Divorce?I recall my lawyer and counselor telling me that it would take five years to recover from divorce. "FIVE YEARS?!" I screeched. That seemed like a lifetime. In a sense they were right. It took 2 years to emerge from my shell and craft a new life, and another 3 years before I felt like myself again. I emerged as a new person with a new lifestyle, new friends, and new goals. This process took much Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-44809265155515360912011-10-30T11:19:00.001-05:002011-10-30T11:19:00.158-05:00Facing My Future as An Older, Divorced WorkerI've reached a point in my life where all I want is some distance from emotional turmoil and financial want, but as a single, divorced, and childless person who has entered her 60s I am confronted with so many new issues, that at times I am almost paralyzed with fear and indecision.In my 20's I used to sing the Beatles' "When I'm 64" to my young husband: "Will you still need me? Will you still Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-55678034051936735522011-10-21T09:52:00.002-05:002011-10-21T09:52:00.171-05:00Supporting Someone Going Through DivorceHave you landed on this blog because you are looking for ways to help a friend or relative who is going through a divorce? Here's what helped me:100% acceptance - give your friend a safe non-judgmental environment to vent. But don't participate in the blame game. That only makes things worse.Be someone who understands that your friend's pain is real - do not bring up individuals who have had it Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-73831984167613710292011-10-15T06:59:00.005-05:002011-10-16T10:22:48.048-05:00Why Brad Pitt's Comments About His Marriage to Jennifer Aniston Are CrassDuring and after a divorce, the less said about one's former spouse the better. I am sure that at this point Brad Pitt would agree with me and wished that he had taken the high road when it came to commenting on his relationship with his ex.Ever since my divorce I've acquired two new habits that I can't seem to shake: I can no longer watch Divorce Court, yet at the same time I am eerily attractedVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-67090062743662533412011-09-23T20:04:00.005-05:002011-10-05T18:38:59.465-05:00Tips on Dating as a SeniorTips on Dating as a Senior is an article written by guest writer, Allison Gamble:Divorced seniors often find themselves overwhelmed when they attempt to reintegrate themselves into the dating world. It doesn’t take a psychology degree to know that dating can be challenging in and of itself, but if you are older and newly single, it may seem as though there are numerous obstacles to overcome. Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-75773831567327152712011-08-13T13:11:00.009-05:002011-08-13T13:31:50.088-05:00The Psycho Ex Wife: It's Really About Letting GoTwo blogs, two responses to the aftermath of divorce: one is entitled The Psycho Ex Wife, the other is named Divorced at Fifty. Guess which blogger has been able to largely move on? Me.
I learned about The Psycho Ex Wife, a blog begun in 2007 by Anthony Morelli (right) and his new partner, a woman named Misty Weaver Ostinato, only after it was shut down. The blog's tagline was: "The true account Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-52484750728646827032011-08-08T23:20:00.032-05:002011-08-09T07:59:56.101-05:00Loss of Status After Divorce: Or the New Invisibles
Ladies in Lavender Image@Having a Solid Gold Life
A book club friend and I met recently and discussed her recent divorce. (She's my age and was married for 25 years to my 26.)
Sherry (not her name) mentioned that the transition went smoothly. She and her husband knew that they would be divorcing for a number of years, about 4 or 5, but they stayed together for the sake of the children, who Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-86436084052344623982011-05-28T20:39:00.008-05:002011-05-28T21:01:02.448-05:00Ryan Reynolds on DivorceRyan Reynolds is the successful young actor who was married to Scarlett Johannsen for two years before they divorced. While his face is well known, he keeps his private life quiet. So, it was with some surprise that he opened up as much as he did in this statement:On not sharing details of his divorce: “I’ll say this: the media was not invited to my marriage, and they’re definitely not invited Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-28285481141513913752011-05-01T08:00:00.007-05:002011-05-01T14:35:39.641-05:00Broken Foot, Single & DivorcedLiving alone in a house meant for a family, one with four bedrooms, three baths, and a yard, is not easy for a single person. Unlearning years of habits, in which one's spouse played an integral part, is painful. One's automatic expectations kick in. At first, just after the separation, the continual shocks one feels are surprising and come at the most unexpected moments. Your automatic greetingVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-61358560653859877432011-04-27T06:39:00.006-05:002011-04-27T06:47:08.289-05:00Wedding Bell BluesRoyal Wedding tea bagsThe first few years after my divorce I could not attend a wedding without crying and feeling cynical at the same time. There I was, in my early fifties, after the dissolution of a 26-year marriage and 32-year friendship, watching a young couple pledging "'Till death do us part." Hah! I would think. Wait until reality sets in.People with worse marriages than mine were still Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-61550600473528737782011-04-24T09:22:00.013-05:002011-05-28T21:17:24.851-05:00Stressed and No Way OutPost divorce-copalypse. That's been my experience this past year. It's been over ten years since my divorce and I thought I was coping. There were times a year and a half ago when I was feeling strong within my self and on top of my finances. Then the economy hit bottom and my pay check was frozen. Prices started to rise. I needed a new car. The roof, which had just been replaced, was leaking. Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-80011108739917257732010-07-21T09:17:00.004-05:002010-07-21T09:17:00.515-05:00Retirement is Not in My FutureAfter the financial debacle of 2008 I realized that I could not soon retire. One of the reasons that I stopped writing regularly for this blog is that there were some worrying matters to tend to, and I did not want to transfer all my anxiety into my writing. I am not an extravagant person and I have no debts, but when one's retirement nest egg drops by 33%, no amount of thriftiness will make up Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-50271764536808750432010-07-17T08:24:00.006-05:002010-07-17T08:24:00.331-05:00It's Those Little Habits You Miss ...Apart from losing your best friend and life's mate during your divorce, you are also losing your financial security and those daily habits that up to now have made your life predictable and comfortable. One of the first habits I had to overcome was not to shout as I opened the front door, "Bob, I'm home!" For those first few weeks I would rush inside the house to share some news, only to find it Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-54962893355974146252010-07-09T22:45:00.022-05:002010-07-10T09:08:42.859-05:00Break Up or Blow Up?Melissa Etheridge and Mel Gibson. You have to be a hermit not to know about their messy relationship blow ups! They have made headlines recently, and both couples have come out with their fists swinging.I recall the first conversation I had with a lawyer days after my ex moved out of the house. He identified two ways in which an unhappy spouse leaves a marriage. "Some spouses feel guilty when Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-18869898321811033082010-04-01T17:39:00.019-05:002010-04-02T08:03:54.138-05:00Dealing With the Humiliation of Being RejectedThe day Bob left our marriage, I could not shake the feeling that I had failed. By moving out of the house, he had made our breakup painfully public. I felt like a loser. It took every ounce of my energy to face the world, and I made pains to put on makeup, curl my hair, and wear a cute outfit before leaving the house. I might have felt like a reject on the inside, but I wanted to go out in Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-17209491934094441662009-09-26T16:27:00.003-05:002009-09-26T17:02:03.369-05:00How to Turn Modern Divorce Into a Positive Experience...Dear Readers: This article was written by a divorced woman expressly for this blog. When her son was diagnosed with Autism at two years of age, her husband started to abuse him to get the boy to change. She divorced him, and had been homeschooling him until last year. When it was suggested that she take him off all sugars, she took the advice. She then put her son through a metal detox and he Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-76272641442074364232009-09-26T15:43:00.008-05:002009-09-26T16:10:31.292-05:00When do you become "single"?It's been a long time since I posted, partially because I lost the log-on information (again.) The truth is, the more time that passes, the more single I feel. My marriage, which began its precipitous downward slide exactly ten years ago, now seems like a distant memory. I no longer miss Bob. And I am no longer frantically searching for a male companion. If I meet a man, he will catch me unawaresVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-11525619235417182322009-04-05T16:42:00.009-05:002009-04-05T17:00:02.597-05:00Nine Years After Divorce: A PoemNow that you're gone,And my fears have quieted,and the silence has crept inas a familiar and welcomecompanion...Now that you're gone so longthat my sharp sensory memory of youhas been dimmedby the inevitable forgiveness of time...Now that you've been gone so longthat I've forgotten your touchand that secret look and smileyou reserved just for me...Now,with the fullness and passage of time,I can Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com13