tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42181360557923804032012-01-26T11:34:22.198-05:00Or how I survived the loss of my best friend of 32 years and landed on my feetVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.comBlogger1331100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-62445240083474566822012-01-06T00:09:00.007-05:002012-01-06T00:50:00.222-05:00

I certainly didn't know on January 4th, 2000 - the day that my husband informed me he was abandoning our marriage - that January is known as "Divorce Month" and that the first Monday of the year is known as "Divorce Day". This makes sense, of course, since the spouse that is leaving probably made it their New Year's resolution to opt out of the marriage. During our last holiday together, I did

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-66948426527381455272011-12-07T11:01:00.004-05:002011-12-07T11:01:00.806-05:00

It happened suddenly when I was walking my dog - my heart raced painfully in my chest, I felt faint, and I struggled to breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack. These were my symptoms:Surge of overwhelming panicFeeling of losing control Heart palpitations and chest painTrouble breathingHyperventilationTrembling and shakingI ran to my doctor, who diagnosed an anxiety attack. He put me on

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-31718964169427187292011-11-30T17:57:00.001-05:002011-11-30T23:29:46.245-05:00

I recently wrote a post about my fear for the future and my old age. One way that I combat my anxiety is to concentrate on the present - the beauty of the sunset, a peaceful morning, success in completing my projects, and enjoyment of the book I am reading. I look to my dog for guidance. He is happy when he is fed or simply near me, and looks anxious when he is confused or lost. Once he deals

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-30511073795139759022011-11-14T13:18:00.001-05:002011-11-14T13:18:00.071-05:00

Now here's something to wrap your mind around: divorce party invitations. As this blog states:Most divorce parties are held when a couple is finally independent of one another, in other words, when the divorce is finalized. An alimony party may be held a year or so after the divorce, when the one party is no longer paying alimony to their past spouse. Most divorce/alimony parties are centered

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-91302090543224854262011-11-07T08:00:00.002-05:002011-11-30T23:24:50.119-05:00

I recall my lawyer and counselor telling me that it would take five years to recover from divorce. "FIVE YEARS?!" I screeched. That seemed like a lifetime. In a sense they were right. It took 2 years to emerge from my shell and craft a new life, and another 3 years before I felt like myself again. I emerged as a new person with a new lifestyle, new friends, and new goals. This process took much

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-44809265155515360912011-10-30T11:19:00.001-05:002011-10-30T11:19:00.158-05:00

I've reached a point in my life where all I want is some distance from emotional turmoil and financial want, but as a single, divorced, and childless person who has entered her 60s I am confronted with so many new issues, that at times I am almost paralyzed with fear and indecision.In my 20's I used to sing the Beatles' "When I'm 64" to my young husband: "Will you still need me? Will you still

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-55678034051936735522011-10-21T09:52:00.002-05:002011-10-21T09:52:00.171-05:00

Have you landed on this blog because you are looking for ways to help a friend or relative who is going through a divorce? Here's what helped me:100% acceptance - give your friend a safe non-judgmental environment to vent. But don't participate in the blame game. That only makes things worse.Be someone who understands that your friend's pain is real - do not bring up individuals who have had it

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-73831984167613710292011-10-15T06:59:00.005-05:002011-10-16T10:22:48.048-05:00

During and after a divorce, the less said about one's former spouse the better. I am sure that at this point Brad Pitt would agree with me and wished that he had taken the high road when it came to commenting on his relationship with his ex.Ever since my divorce I've acquired two new habits that I can't seem to shake: I can no longer watch Divorce Court, yet at the same time I am eerily attracted

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-67090062743662533412011-09-23T20:04:00.005-05:002011-10-05T18:38:59.465-05:00

Tips on Dating as a Senior is an article written by guest writer, Allison Gamble:Divorced seniors often find themselves overwhelmed when they attempt to reintegrate themselves into the dating world. It doesn’t take a psychology degree to know that dating can be challenging in and of itself, but if you are older and newly single, it may seem as though there are numerous obstacles to overcome.

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-75773831567327152712011-08-13T13:11:00.009-05:002011-08-13T13:31:50.088-05:00

Two blogs, two responses to the aftermath of divorce: one is entitled The Psycho Ex Wife, the other is named Divorced at Fifty. Guess which blogger has been able to largely move on? Me. I learned about The Psycho Ex Wife, a blog begun in 2007 by Anthony Morelli (right) and his new partner, a woman named Misty Weaver Ostinato, only after it was shut down. The blog's tagline was: "The true account

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-52484750728646827032011-08-08T23:20:00.032-05:002011-08-09T07:59:56.101-05:00

Ladies in Lavender Image@Having a Solid Gold Life A book club friend and I met recently and discussed her recent divorce. (She's my age and was married for 25 years to my 26.) Sherry (not her name) mentioned that the transition went smoothly. She and her husband knew that they would be divorcing for a number of years, about 4 or 5, but they stayed together for the sake of the children, who

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-86436084052344623982011-05-28T20:39:00.008-05:002011-05-28T21:01:02.448-05:00

Ryan Reynolds is the successful young actor who was married to Scarlett Johannsen for two years before they divorced. While his face is well known, he keeps his private life quiet. So, it was with some surprise that he opened up as much as he did in this statement:On not sharing details of his divorce: “I’ll say this: the media was not invited to my marriage, and they’re definitely not invited

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-28285481141513913752011-05-01T08:00:00.007-05:002011-05-01T14:35:39.641-05:00

Living alone in a house meant for a family, one with four bedrooms, three baths, and a yard, is not easy for a single person. Unlearning years of habits, in which one's spouse played an integral part, is painful. One's automatic expectations kick in. At first, just after the separation, the continual shocks one feels are surprising and come at the most unexpected moments. Your automatic greeting

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-61358560653859877432011-04-27T06:39:00.006-05:002011-04-27T06:47:08.289-05:00

Royal Wedding tea bagsThe first few years after my divorce I could not attend a wedding without crying and feeling cynical at the same time. There I was, in my early fifties, after the dissolution of a 26-year marriage and 32-year friendship, watching a young couple pledging "'Till death do us part." Hah! I would think. Wait until reality sets in.People with worse marriages than mine were still

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-61550600473528737782011-04-24T09:22:00.013-05:002011-05-28T21:17:24.851-05:00

Post divorce-copalypse. That's been my experience this past year. It's been over ten years since my divorce and I thought I was coping. There were times a year and a half ago when I was feeling strong within my self and on top of my finances. Then the economy hit bottom and my pay check was frozen. Prices started to rise. I needed a new car. The roof, which had just been replaced, was leaking.

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-80011108739917257732010-07-21T09:17:00.004-05:002010-07-21T09:17:00.515-05:00

After the financial debacle of 2008 I realized that I could not soon retire. One of the reasons that I stopped writing regularly for this blog is that there were some worrying matters to tend to, and I did not want to transfer all my anxiety into my writing. I am not an extravagant person and I have no debts, but when one's retirement nest egg drops by 33%, no amount of thriftiness will make up

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-50271764536808750432010-07-17T08:24:00.006-05:002010-07-17T08:24:00.331-05:00

Apart from losing your best friend and life's mate during your divorce, you are also losing your financial security and those daily habits that up to now have made your life predictable and comfortable. One of the first habits I had to overcome was not to shout as I opened the front door, "Bob, I'm home!" For those first few weeks I would rush inside the house to share some news, only to find it

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-54962893355974146252010-07-09T22:45:00.022-05:002010-07-10T09:08:42.859-05:00

Melissa Etheridge and Mel Gibson. You have to be a hermit not to know about their messy relationship blow ups! They have made headlines recently, and both couples have come out with their fists swinging.I recall the first conversation I had with a lawyer days after my ex moved out of the house. He identified two ways in which an unhappy spouse leaves a marriage. "Some spouses feel guilty when

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-18869898321811033082010-04-01T17:39:00.019-05:002010-04-02T08:03:54.138-05:00

The day Bob left our marriage, I could not shake the feeling that I had failed. By moving out of the house, he had made our breakup painfully public. I felt like a loser. It took every ounce of my energy to face the world, and I made pains to put on makeup, curl my hair, and wear a cute outfit before leaving the house. I might have felt like a reject on the inside, but I wanted to go out in

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-17209491934094441662009-09-26T16:27:00.003-05:002009-09-26T17:02:03.369-05:00

Dear Readers: This article was written by a divorced woman expressly for this blog. When her son was diagnosed with Autism at two years of age, her husband started to abuse him to get the boy to change. She divorced him, and had been homeschooling him until last year. When it was suggested that she take him off all sugars, she took the advice. She then put her son through a metal detox and he

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-76272641442074364232009-09-26T15:43:00.008-05:002009-09-26T16:10:31.292-05:00

It's been a long time since I posted, partially because I lost the log-on information (again.) The truth is, the more time that passes, the more single I feel. My marriage, which began its precipitous downward slide exactly ten years ago, now seems like a distant memory. I no longer miss Bob. And I am no longer frantically searching for a male companion. If I meet a man, he will catch me unawares

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-11525619235417182322009-04-05T16:42:00.009-05:002009-04-05T17:00:02.597-05:00

Now that you're gone,And my fears have quieted,and the silence has crept inas a familiar and welcomecompanion...Now that you're gone so longthat my sharp sensory memory of youhas been dimmedby the inevitable forgiveness of time...Now that you've been gone so longthat I've forgotten your touchand that secret look and smileyou reserved just for me...Now,with the fullness and passage of time,I can

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-61197587344025553062009-03-29T11:00:00.015-05:002009-03-29T12:52:15.380-05:00

Uggh. I hate the thought of going out with someone I barely know. Dating at sixty is as awful as dating at sixteen. One spends a couple of hours with a stranger, trying to be witty and amusing while conquering feelings of nervousness and wondering - "Is he as attracted to me as I am to him?" - or waiting for the date to end.Then there's the decision to kiss him or not after that first date. Or,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-9680126775630691422009-03-29T01:28:00.013-05:002009-03-29T02:01:58.851-05:00

I just finished watching Middlemarch and was struck by these quotes:"Grief is a kind of illness ... it can rob us of vital energies."How absolutely true. While you are grieving the loss of your spouse, you should make every attempt to take good care of your fragile ego. Continuing the quote from Middlemarch:"You have nothing - nothing to reproach yourself."Too often we play the woulda, shoulda,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-24356162322346755542009-03-25T15:03:00.024-05:002009-03-29T01:27:33.522-05:00

After Bob deserted our marriage I "heard" a constant buzz in my brain. This “noise”, as I called it, was the result of the fears that crowded my thoughts during my waking hours. At the most difficult and emotional time of my life I had to focus on things that mattered, but often I couldn’t. Too many people were giving me advice and my fear of the unknown - of aging alone, of having to find a job,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-17025887237490702862008-10-29T16:55:00.008-05:002008-10-29T18:07:49.073-05:00

Until now I was able to live a fairly comfortable lifestyle. Just before my divorce I had lived five fairly worry free years - we'd paid off the college loans, were debt free except for our mortgage, and were starting a savings account for our retirement. This was a time when Bob supplemented his income with consulting fees and when we vacationed gratis, thanks to his foreign-based boondoggles. I

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-83872077438253760902008-10-20T19:52:00.015-05:002008-10-20T20:19:39.745-05:00

Dear Readers: Look Who's Been Included in This Fabulous Group! Keep scrolling down to seeDivorced Websites for ParentsChild Centered DivorceRosalind Sedacca is very active in educating parents about divorce. Her website, “Child-Centered Divorce,” helps parents minimize the emotional trauma for children whose parents are going through a divorce.Divorce@Suite101 Lots of great resources here with

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-7163147626456330102008-10-19T12:15:00.023-05:002008-10-20T20:25:44.016-05:00

Have you noticed now that you are past menopause and a few wrinkles have appeared around your mouth and eyes that men simply ignore you and that their gazes invariably land on younger women? Have you noticed how society in general just assumes that a woman past 50 is uninteresting and that even people who know you better than most tend to discount your opinion?Why is this?I recall talking to a

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-1085104617670790642008-10-13T14:53:00.010-05:002008-10-13T15:54:58.793-05:00

It's never too late to make the decision, and I suppose in this case it was better late than never. Mr. Velsey apparently beat his wife and their relationship had been volatile for over 25 years. This divorce case between a couple in their seventies occurred in 1885, and was reported in the New York Times during that period.The tintypes at right are not of the couple.My blog has been quiet for

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-920766666834208242008-08-30T03:54:00.005-05:002008-08-30T04:42:14.171-05:00

Ok, I feel better now. My two weeks of self pity are over. I've taken stock and this is my inventory:My brains, talent, and health are intact.I have a fabulous and supportive family, plus my parents are still aliveTwo wonderful 'adopted' boys are living with me - they need me and I need them.I've adopted a sweet, loyal, and loving dog.My once in a lifetime miracle job keeps me energized,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-12399627566292489902008-08-24T05:14:00.011-05:002009-03-25T20:46:18.314-05:00

It's been hard lately to write about the divorce. I've been so busy, you see. Like anyone who's divorced after fifty, unless you are rich, you need to work for a living. I was one of the lucky ones. After almost three decades of marriage and play acting at having a job - part time jobs, and selling my watercolors on the side - I found a job with benefits. I work as a specialist on a grant project

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-44655243115935352142008-07-29T22:07:00.017-05:002008-07-30T01:01:16.173-05:00

Dear reader,Normally I steer clear from cynicism and bitterness on this blog, for my ex was my best friend for 32 years. Sometimes it is hard to take the high road, as in this instance. I found a photo and all the hurts just cascaded back. So please bear with me as I barrel along and allow my anger to pour out of me.The pain inflicted by the hurtful words my ex hurled at me at the end of our

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-68588860253974564792008-06-01T06:00:00.010-05:002008-06-01T08:59:49.771-05:00

I apologize for my long silence. In recent months, a hectic schedule filled with deadlines and immediate concerns prevented me from tending to this blog. When I write my thoughts about this topic, I need time for reflection. After two months of merely acting and reacting, it is nice to find the quiet time to respond to the heart wrenching comments on my previous posts.To my readers in pain:The

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-84180444199409040402008-04-11T06:23:00.015-05:002009-03-25T20:44:20.147-05:00

It happened again yesterday: Bob was on my mind throughout the day. I had sent a college friend a happy birthday email, and he casually replied that the reunion weekend was coming up and that he hadn't heard yet if Bob was coming.Heart pang. I loved going to campus with my husband during the spring to watch lacrosse, and meet up with the old gang. Oh, sure everyone was getting grayer, last time I

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-80939306901766468222008-03-09T16:59:00.013-05:002008-03-09T22:07:00.763-05:00

A colleague died a month ago in front of her ex-husband. Since their divorce three years ago, they had been playing a co-dependent game: he as baiter, she as baitee. Her friends told her to move on with her life. We cautioned her that John, an S.O.B. if ever there was one, would never admit he was wrong or say he was sorry. We also told her he wouldn't come back to her... especially not after he

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-41181814843586434112008-02-23T01:04:00.027-05:002008-02-23T13:32:34.191-05:00

Sorry for the long silence. I thought I had lost this blogger account, but I found my password and new email address (both of which I had changed without recording what I had done. AAAARGGH!)A month ago a divorced colleague sounded astounded when I said that I planned to dine out alone after our appointment. "Where?" she asked. "Don't you feel conspicuous?" She was curious, because her daughter

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-72200564741137582162008-01-02T09:26:00.000-05:002008-01-02T11:16:40.312-05:00

I am no expert, by any means. Regarding divorce, I can only write about my own experiences. One of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome in searching for a job was my wardrobe. Hours after Bob announced he was leaving, I called up a friend at a nonprofit that I'd worked for through the years, telling her I needed a job. Sheepishly she told me that she only had an 8 hour per week job. I had

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-11407528006059604852007-12-26T00:47:00.000-05:002007-12-28T11:50:24.263-05:00

Regular readers of this blog will note two changes in my personal profile.I removed my photo and I changed my online name to "Movin' On." There are two reasons for these changes.While reading other blogs about divorce, I stumbled across a post written by a man in his fifties. He wrote about online dating, and about how surprisingly successful he'd been at meeting women. One pattern that revealed

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-8262299021256698982007-12-25T23:33:00.000-05:002007-12-25T23:47:05.220-05:00

The Three Divorces is a post that defines the discussions on this blog. They are: The legal divorce, the social divorce, and the emotional divorce. Each is separate and distinct from the other. Adjusting to the emotional side of divorce took the longest for me. The social consequences of becoming single after so many years are inevitable, and I find that they affected my feelings about my divorce

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-4371835133690195842007-12-22T14:40:00.000-05:002007-12-22T15:10:04.564-05:00

For the newly divorced person, or one who is going through divorce, this time of year can be extremely stressful, especially when contrasted with past, happier times. In Holiday Happiness Can Be Difficult to Find, Emily Hoffman mentions simplifying one's holiday just after a divorce. I find her advice to be sound. In fact, each year my Christmas preparations get easier. Where I once threw parties

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-5624162135383013872007-12-16T07:11:00.000-05:002007-12-16T08:32:01.065-05:00

Yes, it's been a while since my divorce, but I can still vividly recall my first Christmas alone. Not having kids made the experience even lonelier. I cried, usually by myself, in my car as I arrived to or left parties, feeling like the odd duck, the single person in a sea of couples, and hugely conspicuous as a result.I had reached a point where I was tired of casual acquaintances approaching

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-12376457864444325372007-12-04T08:04:00.001-05:002007-12-04T10:44:07.086-05:00

This recent article in the Time Online entitled Older, Wiser in Bed answers a question from a bored 50-something woman who is contemplating leaving her husband for an older man. The answer describes exactly how I feel about so many spouses leaving their mates to seek seemingly more verdant pastures: The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side, it's just different. The horse seeking

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-70957483084220663322007-11-18T08:35:00.000-05:002007-11-18T09:05:14.390-05:00

I finally saw a photo of her. The new wife. For years I'd been avoiding this moment, fearing it. I feared it despite hearing comments like,She's a pale imitation of you.She's a piece of work. She walked into the room and I overheard her saying, "Watch me, I'll have them eating out of my hand in less than an hour." She didn't.I should have known better than to run from my fears. My good friend

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-17678583007119792672007-11-04T08:57:00.000-05:002007-11-04T09:06:32.445-05:00

Here's an interesting online article about divorce after 50 from AARP titled A House Divided. It comes to this conclusion:At all age levels, midlife divorcers did quite well on our survey's measure of contentment and expectations for their future. When compared with respondents to other recent surveys, they reported roughly the same measures of happiness as other single Americans their own age,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-40482825781028572452007-11-04T07:52:00.000-05:002007-11-04T09:49:23.653-05:00

I ran across a photo of my ex yesterday. Well, I googled it. He looked old and tired and gray.Here's why I searched for his image. Last week a college friend came over to visit and inevitably the talk turned to those bygone days ... and Bob. Last Friday Animal House came on. That was our (Bob's and my) favorite movie in the 70's. In fact, when Bob's fraternity brothers would get together they

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-76322799606073514012007-10-29T18:58:00.000-05:002007-10-29T19:37:01.812-05:00

You are going through a separation and a divorce: this is no time to rely on memory. Write everything down. Everything! Keep a day book, a diary, and a running account of expenses of the past, present, and future. Leave nothing to chance.I discovered as I worked through my grief and depression that I would forget the most obvious details at the most inconvenient times. So I learned to print out

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-78887573459662890472007-10-17T07:12:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:03.912-05:00

Singled Out: The dos and don’ts of inviting the unattached, by Helena Echlin advises married couples about the ins and outs of inviting singles to dinner or a couples event. As I've described on this blog on several occasions, I seldom get invited to couples gatherings these days. Most of my invitations are to meet girlfriends for lunch or for a girlfriends' night out.This article talks about SPE

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-72714519697860881772007-10-16T22:06:00.000-05:002007-10-19T07:40:35.984-05:00

Here we go again. My radar pricked up tonight when a friend of mine reminded me forcibly that the reason an individual in our discussion group dropped out was because she was a tender widow. Meaning, she had lost her husband.Huh?Yeah, I feel sorry for her, as I do for all people who have lost their mates. But I had lost my husband too, and I had been married as long as the widow, yet when I bring

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-71840804430334830722007-10-13T07:25:00.000-05:002007-10-13T07:46:09.019-05:00

I did not just turn fifty. With a start I realized that I am staring 60 in the face. Last January I celebrated my 58th birthday. My divorce happened almost 7 years ago! Thankfully, the pain of separation has receded. I still feel pangs, which come at unexpected times. But looking back, I see that I:embarked on a successful careerfound new friendsdiscovered a sense of who I am and what I want to

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-71449360451961871142007-10-05T17:03:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:03.103-05:00

Years ago I worked with Marge, a woman who had moved to our city after her divorce. Her children were grown and she lived alone in a cute condo, working in a nonprofit and living off her pension. She had left her husband, an alcoholic, after a long marriage. A salty old broad from Maine, and I write these words with love and respect, her comments about her divorce and ex were always wry and

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-22567504854479569972007-09-29T19:05:00.001-05:002007-12-16T20:48:40.648-05:00

To tag onto the previous post, I want to relate the discussions I had with two men (at separate times) on why they don't intend to marry again.One had been married three times. He tried his best to make his third marriage work. (He was married at 18 the first time, married on the rebound the second time, and fell head over heels in love with his third wife, who eventually "Done Him Wrong.") When

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-36076330687703647192007-09-21T22:05:00.000-05:002007-09-22T10:01:21.138-05:00

I encountered two men in their late thirties this week, my insurance agent and a former coworker. Both are going through a divorce. Being men, they said little, keeping a stiff upper lip. Still, I commiserated with them, telling them I understood they were not going through an easy time. Hearing my sympathetic comment, my insurance agent opened up. He'd been married 10 years and had two children.

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-763343874423878342007-09-16T12:07:00.001-05:002007-09-16T12:26:41.655-05:00

I am going through old files today to make way for storage space, and encountered the papers I kept of the days, weeks, and months after my separation from Bob. It is eerie to read the almost desperate attempts I made to save my marriage; it hardens my heart to see the cool and indifferent responses from my former spouse. I now understand what sort of calculated waiting game he played with me.All

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-18395810323153387362007-09-13T08:07:00.000-05:002007-09-13T08:34:34.114-05:00

Two blogs I'd like to direct you to are written by women (younger than me) who are also going through periods of vast upheaval and transition. Their blogs are beautifully written personal accounts of overcoming pain and anguish. In fact, I'm tagging them, asking them to identify two or three blogs that they visit regularly and that are written by people who are going through a painful transition

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-72462967819354014332007-09-06T18:33:00.000-05:002007-09-06T18:57:08.692-05:00

Little girls whose daddies leave them...know it's all their fault....yearn for their daddies to come back....search for their daddies, sometimes all their lives....will do anything to get their daddies back....find substitute daddies, even in bad places....try to be good girls, even though they really think they are bad....have a hard time saying no....think they have a flaw that made their

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-18166641991354506252007-09-01T09:04:00.001-05:002007-09-01T09:29:58.752-05:00

My wedding anniversary is coming up. I spent my first wedding anniversary alone crying. It would have been our 27th year as man and wife. We were still married, but Bob had already gotten engaged to someone else.I was caught off guard by the sheer force of emotions, and I clung to my bewildered dog all night long, crying so hard and so long that my eyes and voice were raw for days. The next year

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-59293778684142740842007-09-01T00:08:00.000-05:002007-09-01T09:33:40.383-05:00

Some of the hardest post divorce task I've had to tackle have been in the areas of 'Letting Go.'First, I had to let go of material things. Days after Bob moved out of the house, I stopped the lawn service, discontinued the wine of the month club, beer of the month club, and dinners out. I checked books and videos out of the library and joined Price Club. I waited for sales before making purchases

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-8882234520028492102007-08-28T12:25:00.000-05:002007-09-01T09:36:55.782-05:00

Two hours after Bob told me he was leaving our marriage, the numbness I felt disappeared and the pain began. One of the last things Bob had told me before going to work that day was that he would attend marriage counseling but "Not if you contact a lawyer."After a long talk with my parents, who urged me to seek legal counsel, I started calling friends.I first talked to a friend who had been an

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-39552249745143284072007-08-22T00:37:00.001-05:002007-08-22T01:29:09.181-05:00

As I drove into the driveway I knew something was amiss. The lawn had not been mown. A tree lay on its side, broken in half and blocking half the side yard. Dead shrubs, overgrown bushes, an unswept walkway and porch, and mold growing on the wood siding told me that maintaining the house had grown beyond my friend's control.As I entered the house and the dog greeted me, I noted that all the doors

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-48470209319884084512007-08-19T10:29:00.002-05:002007-08-20T07:13:58.463-05:00

I have no significant other in my life at present. Interestingly, I like my solitary state except in this area: No sex or infrequent sex. Being fastidious, and after having been with only one man for 26 years, the prospect of meeting men and having sex with virtual strangers is offputting.A number of my single divorced female friends don't care if they never have sex again. In talking to them I

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-77570865453039204112007-08-15T23:40:00.000-05:002007-08-16T00:08:57.490-05:00

I just assembled a small table I bought at Ikea. Last week I put two bookcases from Target together. Yesterday I connected my new high definition t.v. and followed the set up instructions to select my cable channels. I'm able to transfer photos from my digital camera, add new peripherals to my computer and CD player, and am about to connect my new DVD player to my new t.v. I've also figured out

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-582737383702678262007-08-06T20:45:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:11.291-05:00

I’ve been divorced for 6 ½ years. Do I consider myself divorced or single? Both. It depends on who asks.These days my 26-year-long marriage seems like a distant dream. I still know my ex intimately as I remember him during our marriage, but I wouldn’t recognize him easily today if I saw him walking down the street. I’ve only seen him twice since 2001. He’s aged, gained weight, and looks at me

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-21911200716141089592007-08-04T19:52:00.000-05:002007-08-04T20:17:02.195-05:00

One of the biggest surprises I had as I went through divorce was when I consulted a lawyer about my legal rights. I assumed that since my husband had abandoned our marriage six months before, I would be free to date. Wrong. The lawyer told me to stay away from any romantic entanglements, or else my husband could accuse me of adultery. Such an action could also affect my final settlement.There are

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-11305350208039697712007-08-01T13:29:00.000-05:002007-08-01T14:37:47.846-05:00

The end of my last truly serious love affair just about killed me. My beau ended our relationship on the 4th anniversary of Bob leaving our marriage. I had met this man only 6 months after Bob left. My separation from my husband was intermingled with my sadness at losing my lifelong mate and the prospect of having this exciting new man in my life.My new beau's presence masked much of the grieving

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-72473300585812627662007-07-30T00:05:00.005-05:002008-08-02T08:25:15.585-05:00

As my friend Mary Nell said, "The best revenge is a good life."Return

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-65700206471630298222007-07-28T13:37:00.001-05:002007-07-28T14:21:15.314-05:00

It's 2 a.m. and you are all alone. Your mate has left, telling you your marriage is over, and you are beside yourself with grief.Your chest feels like it is bursting and you can't sleep because of the thousands of thoughts and fears crowding your head.Get up and write down your feelings. Set them down on paper! (I found that putting pen to paper felt more tactile and personal than using a

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-15808082559843157022007-07-21T12:47:00.001-05:002007-07-21T16:04:38.835-05:00

Good news. I kept the house after the divorce. Bad news. Maintenance costs are eating me alive.Since my divorce I estimate I've put around $20,000 of maintenance costs into my house in cash. Notice I said maintenance, not improvements or redecorating. In the past 24 months I've replaced a worn out stove, refrigerator, washer, and dryer. I've had the ceilings fixed (cracks and water damage) and

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-80058022370319366462007-07-17T11:03:00.000-05:002007-07-17T12:00:17.912-05:00

I spent this past weekend tripping down memory lane as I dismantled a bookshelf Bob put up in our guest room 18 years ago. It was a heavy piece of furniture made of oak that had yellowed. Every time I looked at it which was daily, for it sat in my office, I thought of him. We had bought this piece in 1983 just after he'd gotten his first 'real' job, as a tenure bound professor at a major

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-89103179325847799742007-07-12T15:05:00.000-05:002007-07-13T20:07:27.085-05:00

I recall once during the most stressful time of my divorce talking to my dear Aunt. She called me once a week to support me. In this instance, I was not receptive. My head was full of the noise of fear and anger crowding in on me, and I could only live, literally, moment to moment. I could not think straight.She was talking about the future and things I should do, but I could not hear her. In

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-1599345695147301992007-07-07T17:27:00.000-05:002007-07-07T21:03:21.123-05:00

Before my divorce I read romance novels. I even wrote a few and had signed a contract with a New York agent. She peddled my manuscript to editors who said sweetly that for a first effort the novel was fine, but that I should keep trying. As I completed proofreading my second book my husband left. He said he didn't want me to blame him for not finishing the edits, so he thought he'd wait and drop

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-32687038517488326622007-07-05T16:37:00.000-05:002007-07-05T19:24:36.384-05:00

Dating. Uggh. I hate the term. The whole concept is new to me, even though I have been divorced for six and a half years. I met my last significant boyfriend (another term I hate) shortly after Bob and I separated. My new beau and I began a four-year relationship soon after my divorce.Since my break up with my post-divorce beau, I have had two "pure" dates. The first was magical and it led to a

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-73194159078334369572007-07-02T08:08:00.000-05:002007-07-05T19:36:03.905-05:00

... and leave the word "but" out of your vocabulary.It's unfortunate that during one of the most stressful periods of your life you are forced to make life altering decisions. Unless you prepared for this event coolly and dispassionately ahead of time, you will find yourself forced to make one bewildering decision after another. Yet, if you are anything like I was, you are hard pressed to think

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-83573454909131338282007-06-29T23:22:00.000-05:002007-06-30T23:30:00.620-05:00

During the stress of divorce, strike "would, should, and could" from your vocabulary. These words have no place in your life just now - they will only hurt you.You know yourself better than anyone. If you were a loving, supportive, and kind spouse, do not let your divorcing spouse accuse you of having behaved in any other way.During my marriage I thought about my husband's well being night and

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-75006089310039493342007-06-24T12:04:00.000-05:002007-06-26T15:48:55.146-05:00

Old friends visited this past week, two who go all the way back with me to college, and two who once belonged to our "tennis group" but who divorced five years before me. Of the four, three of us are divorced and one has remarried.This was a trip down memory lane, which I find so important now that I have no one close to me who can share those special old times. In each instance my friends and I

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-77865844117456546412007-06-15T19:54:00.000-05:002007-06-15T20:44:03.490-05:00

As a child of divorce I was always searching for my father. My parents separated when I was 6 months old, and divorced when I turned three. My brother and I visited our father on Sundays for half a day until he moved so far away that my brother never saw him again. I made an attempt to see him when I was in college and saw him twice in adulthood.Be that as it may, I have searched for my father

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-40854729572576675072007-06-10T08:00:00.001-05:002007-06-10T08:27:23.914-05:00

It's tough not feeling like a failure after divorce. I was watching Kathy Griffin on My Life on The D-List. This comedienne is brash, tough, saucy, and irreverent. Yet when she spoke about her divorce, her eyes teared up, her voice thickened, and I could hear her anguish when she admitted, "I feel like such a failure." It was the one serious moment in an otherwise hilarious show.Those words

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-57108116409322910882007-06-10T07:30:00.000-05:002007-06-10T08:56:50.531-05:00

Too bad. Starter Wife, which I so enjoyed in its first week, has completely degenerated into an unrecognizable soap opera. Instead of dealing with the issue of divorce and separation in any realistic way (there were at least a few moments of truth in the first episode), we find our heroine falling in love with a homeless man, the head of a movie studio missing, and an odd assortment of people

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-69844632590299949482007-06-05T16:03:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:00.659-05:00

As I was going through my separation, I recall a conversation I had with a young co-worker. She was 27 years old, an art student, and she’d been divorced for one year. Her marriage had lasted five years. During the bulk of it, both she and her husband had been students. She told me grandly that she didn’t believe in any woman asking for alimony or asking for anything from her ex. She had left her

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-10420351199196548522007-06-02T15:01:00.001-05:002007-06-02T15:42:05.038-05:00

I admit, I'm a Debra Messing fan. And I had great hopes for Starter Wife, the new mini-series on USA channel on Thursday nights. After all, shouldn't it be easy for first wives to identify with Molly, who learns with a sudden shock that she is a 'starter wife'?Molly's lifestyle is unrealistic compared to mine, but I understand why the producers decided on a Hollywood background: It's more

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-77733527505441184282007-05-31T07:10:00.001-05:002007-05-31T07:24:30.159-05:00

I was one of the lucky ones. After the divorce, I wound up with the house, acquired a good job, and kept my life largely intact. Even so, those first two years after Bob left were horrendous.Two years. My mind knew it would take that long to regain my balance, perhaps longer; my heart wished it all away.During the period of greatest stress I tried not to make too many irrevocable decisions.

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-42459684663093378582007-05-28T10:03:00.000-05:002007-05-29T16:23:53.517-05:00

I noticed last week that Tom Arnold filed for divorce from his third wife. Mr. Arnold, if you recall, was married to Roseanne Barr. She, too, has been married three times, as has Quincy Jones. Donald Trump, Jennifer Lopez, and Tom Cruise are on their third marriages. What are the odds of these unions lasting? I'd be reluctant to place a bet.I have noticed since my own divorce the number of

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-26099949263652295422007-05-25T19:39:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:04.688-05:00

Bob left our marriage because he was seeking happiness. His restlessness and yearning for something better, always evident through our many moves and his many jobs, and his habitual need to blame someone or something externally, finally landed on me. I was happy in my marriage. Content. And reveling in my love for him and in the long success of our relationship.When he left, I asked him two

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-59727932280959686092007-05-22T20:00:00.000-05:002007-05-22T23:55:03.324-05:00

A friend is going through a stressful period just now. She asked me for advice. What to tell her? Those of us going through divorce know that sometimes there's no getting away from the situation. Life's responsibilities press upon us and, as adults, we must meet them. Even as we are feeling at our lowest, we are asked to make major, life-changing decisions. During such a stressful time, anxiety

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-46316146471688440072007-05-18T22:22:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:58:58.879-05:00

A recent study shows that divorced middle-aged women are more prone to heart disease than those who remain married.Dr. Zhenmei Zhang, co-author of the findings from a Health and Retirement Study, found that emotional distress and a decline in financial status were the main factors linking divorce to heart disease in women.“We found that divorced women have the lowest household income and wealth,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-12011667261057484502007-05-17T17:52:00.000-05:002007-05-17T19:10:15.354-05:00

In light of Alec Baldwin's and David Hasselhof's well publicized custody battles over their children, here are some clips that discuss alternate ways to handle divorce when children are involved.This is the second show of the Divorce Channel with guest Allison Bell, Child Psychologist. Host Al Frankel, divorce therapist and mediator, interviews her about the topic of divorce and children. These

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-79901098854477274752007-05-16T08:53:00.000-05:002007-05-16T08:58:44.835-05:00

I listen to the Glen and Helen Show, a series of free podcasts offered through the Itunes library. Dr. Helen Smith is a forensic psychologist who discusses a variety of topics that interest me.This link will take you to her blog and the podcast about divorce, in which divorce attorney Lauren Strange-Boston discusses the different ways men and women approach divorce negotiations.You do not need an

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-33360914317787914622007-05-12T17:51:00.000-05:002007-05-14T20:58:38.361-05:00

Edited to contain new material: My lawnmower conked out. I bought it in 2000 and spared no expense for a cordless electric, instant start, self propelling mower. This fall, the electrical wiring to the plug loosened, and the mower is no longer fully juicing. It stops after about 10 minutes.What to do? Who fixes electrical mowers? And if I paid the person, what would he charge?So, after consulting

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-59476761555731285052007-05-11T19:26:00.000-05:002007-05-11T19:58:52.580-05:00

It took me a full year before I realized I could do anything to my house I wanted. For 12 months I still operated under that double way of thinking: "What would Bob approve of?" One day it occurred to me that I needed no one's sanction, and I began to move forward.The changes came slowly at first. I painted my bathroom a brilliant Barbados blue and added a tropical motif to the curtains and

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-25963358474541202642007-05-05T15:55:00.000-05:002007-05-05T16:56:37.351-05:00

Six years after my marriage has ended, I still feel I know my ex well. Have you ever reunited with a close friend from high school or college? The years might have intervened and lots of stuff might have happened, but after you caught up with the details of your lives, you probably felt comfortable with one another again. That's because the essential "you," "me," and "we" haven't changed. You

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-19976667410207042032007-04-29T15:08:00.000-05:002007-04-29T16:58:05.287-05:00

A few months ago I had a short telephone conversation with a man who was interested in meeting me. Nothing came of this, as I was in the midst of an extremely busy period and couldn't free up the time to meet him. Towards the end of the conversation, he said, "Just remember, I'm not the one who hurt you."I felt a bit irritated. Of course I knew he hadn't hurt me. I've healed, haven't I? Aside

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-29101800600993623202007-04-27T20:52:00.000-05:002007-04-27T23:31:25.776-05:00

Here are my results to the quiz: Are you depressed?Your Depression Level: 16%You aren't depressed, and you probably already knew that.Like everyone else, you have ups and downs.But unlike most people, you've mastered keeping your mood stable.Are You Depressed?Seems like a great result, right? At first I crowed at receiving confirmation that I was emotionally healthy (and I think I am.) However,

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-29246965721635691932007-04-25T08:06:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:58:59.769-05:00

Divorce can be so nasty that the two parties involved can lose sight of all rational thought. I have no doubt that Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger love their daughter Ireland, but since their split in 2000 neither has acted in her best interest.Alec’s rant is inexcusable. What sort of father calls his 12 year old girl a pig? On the tape one can hear the frustration build in his voice. He’s at his

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-58255679083605263252007-04-21T20:44:00.000-05:002007-04-23T00:58:27.455-05:00

During my divorce I dreamt of my ex all the time. He would scold me, love me, laugh with me, and vacation with me as my subconsious sorted out my emotions and reflected my current situation. Often my dreams allowed me to flee my sadness, but at other times I would wake up sweaty and exhausted from working through my anger and past mistakes.During the worst period of my divorce I sought refuge in

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-43994988790915619112007-04-01T15:46:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:07.982-05:00

Those who desert a marriage have a different set of issues to deal with than those of us who are abandoned. By the time my husband quit our marriage, he had gone through months of making decisions and dealing with the issue of divorce and separation. When he moved out of the house, to his way of thinking his obligations to me were over.Where I was reeling from shock and grappling with his

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-46519842418397072952007-03-26T22:34:00.000-05:002007-03-27T18:09:51.871-05:00

The first time I noticed that I was healing was in the car. I was driving to work, and all of a sudden realized I had not cried in over half a day. This was six months after our separation. Before that moment, I grieved throughout the day every day, excusing myself to go to the bathroom at work, or crying at the drop of a hat at home. The pain would sometimes be so great, it felt like a knife was

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-80495210280685156372007-03-25T12:35:00.000-05:002007-03-27T08:29:59.190-05:00

The previous post sat for too long by itself. Sometimes one's busy schedule gets in the way. The voter who agreed that it was "none of my business" how soon my friend's husband began to date was correct.It is none of my business.I was merely reacting to my own situation. Six months after Bob left (and deep into our marriage counseling sessions) he began to seriously date a new woman. She would

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-18926006798964534162007-03-14T00:54:00.000-05:002007-03-18T14:57:10.904-05:00

How long should a grieving widow or widower wait before seriously dating again? Today I learned that the husband of my best friend (who died in June) has been steadily seeing one woman for a few months.Halt the presses, my mind screamed when I heard this news. Too soon! Too soon! I felt sick for Leslie, whose life had revolved around him and her boys.I felt like calling him and telling him to

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-66362458208234658752007-03-11T19:57:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:12.052-05:00

Let’s face it. As soon as you and your spouse separate, life as you have known it is no more. Some of you will take on the sole responsibility of raising your children while going to work full time, and maintaining the house. I’m willing to bet that you tumble into bed exhausted. Not only are you taking on the role of two people, but you are climbing a steep learning curve. Since my husband was

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-75098986863733147542007-03-02T22:41:00.000-05:002007-03-02T23:12:57.732-05:00

Bob was convinced that I hated camping, rafting, canoeing, tubing, and boating. Not true. I just didn't care to engage in these activities as frequently as he liked. I joined him on these expeditions once or twice a year, and when we owned our lakeshore property, at least twice a month.But it was never enough for him. Not the times in spring when we embarked on 3-day canoeing and camping trips in

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4218136055792380403.post-72831361130266359302007-02-27T20:46:00.000-05:002008-08-27T17:59:01.515-05:00

Among the worries upper most in my mind during the early months of my separation was putting together a decent resume. Oh, I’d dabbled at working and I had a resume of sorts, starting with a job I held in High School. But I cringed whenever I read it. Sales girl, EKG Technician, Lab Tech, Book Store Receptionist, File Clerk, self employed artist, VISTA Volunteer, and community relations

Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07073379691758001953noreply@blogger.com1