12/13/06

Learning to be single again

Last night I ate dinner alone at a restaurant. I was surrounded by couples and families and friends. The noise felt good. But I sorely missed the companionship of a mate.

I've learned to eat alone in public. Weekdays are better than weekends. But I still feel self-conscious.

A silver-haired man my age sat at the bar eating and drinking. Everytime his eyes roamed in my direction they passed over me. They always landed on the 30-something women. I look good for my age and looked halfway decent last night, especially my hair. But to most men I've become another invisible middle-aged woman who resembles their ex-wife or their mother.

My invisibility has reached a point where I just want to walk over to a man like that and shout: GROW UP! Give women your age a chance. LOOK AT US! But of course that won't happen.

Silly men. None of you know what you're missing. I'm fabulous, self-supporting, know a few tricks in bed, and can be uproariously fun and funny. But you've passed up another opportunity to find that out. I've stopped trying to be "available." If I'm interested in a man, I'll let him know by a look or a gesture. But I'm 57 years old, and my dry spell has lasted for over a year.

These days I'm concentrating on being with family and friends. I'm also learning to be my own best friend. What a revolutionary thought.

1 comment:

hisheulb said...

As a divorced 56 year old man, I would say that just because the man at the bar was looking at 30 year olds doesn't mean that's who he wants. Women our age admire younger men. Why look at some old gray-haired guy with a sagging throat when you can look instead at a stud? You can admire something or someone without necesssarily wanting it.