12/26/07

Who Wants to Date a Woman Over 50? Not 50 Year Old Men, It Seems

Regular readers of this blog will note two changes in my personal profile.I removed my photo and I changed my online name to "Movin' On." There are two reasons for these changes.

While reading other blogs about divorce, I stumbled across a post written by a man in his fifties. He wrote about online dating, and about how surprisingly successful he'd been at meeting women. One pattern that revealed itself to him and that he found interesting was that some women "lied" about their ages, saying they were under 50 and using photographs taken when they were younger. The reason they "lied", I surmised, was because he (a man in his mid-fifties) was looking to date women younger than 50. The older women had 'fooled' him into going out with them.

His statement made me pause. Was I lying to my readers by using a photograph that a friend had taken during the throes of my divorce? The photo on my sidebar, I realized, was seven years old. I had to ask myself: Do I still look like that woman? Recent photos say I don't. My hair is grayer, and I have to dye it to keep it blonde. It isn't as shiny any more, and I am starting to develop slight, but visible bags under my eyes. In addition, I have gained weight, and the sweet doggie in the photo died about two years ago.

I didn't mean to "lie" to my readers. I simply chose that photo because it defined who I was when I was going through the trauma of divorce. I looked healthy and happy on the outside, yet inside I was bleeding.

Second, I changed my name to "Vic's Moving On." "Vic's Still Standing" seemed too static for the person I have become. Tonight my family commented again on how much the divorce has changed me. They have noticed my independence and eagerness to experience as much of life as I can while I can. This year I am taking classes in leadership, embarking on challenging projects at work, volunteering with a nonprofit organization, and joining a professional woman's organization to meet new people and network. All of these activities are new.

That man I mentioned earlier, is looking for someone much younger than me, even though is he only two years younger than I am. I surmise he wants the package to look a certain way on the outside. But what about the inside? Do 12, 24, or 36 calendar months really matter all that much in the great big scheme of things? I can empathize with a woman who is 51 or 52 years old and who wants to meet a man. What is she supposed to do when she joins an online dating service and sees that most of the men in her age range aren't interested in meeting a woman her age?

Those age cut-offs are one main reason that I don't bother to join an online dating service. Frankly, I'm looking for a man who wants to spend time with a mature, funny, dynamic, smart and talented woman, and who doesn't restrict himself from meeting a woman who happens to be a tad older than him. At this stage, I am willing to go out with men in their 40's, 50,s, 60's, and early 70's. Having said that, I will scour my photos to find a new one for my profile, one that shows me at my best as I look now.

Who knows, perhaps some nice 30 something hunk will chance to see it and be so entranced that he'll move heaven and earth to meet me.

Like, yeah.

Additional note: The blog post, Women Over 50 Dating by Susan Dunn, a clinical psychologist, assures women over 50 that there are plenty of men their age (or younger) who are searching for someone just like them. Middle aged men might try dating a younger woman once or twice, but the mature man will quickly start to look for someone closer to his age if he wants a lasting relationship. Click here to read it.

(Photo of a vibrant single woman over 50, Marianne Faithful, Mick Jagger's and Eric Clapton's former girlfriend, chanteuse, and actress.)

18 comments:

FI0NA said...

Moving on, good on you. I liked the still standing moniker though, didn't seem static to me, seemed strong. I tried internet dating briefly after my separation. Yes the requirements are too static. The fellow I eventually met (at work) is much too young (and tubby) to fit my original (supposed) requirements.

The Relationship Company said...

A true relationship comes from the heart and the more you love someone the more beautiful they become.

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hoggypa said...

As a divorced man over 50, the MAIN reason I tend to shy away from dating women MY age is I find the VAST majority ACT their age. Activities like Flea markets, antiquing, gardening, grandchildren, physical ailments have subplanted fri night beer & wings, riding a motorcycle, Rock concerts, willing to swim in a creek JUST because it looks inviting to name but a few (IE, things YOUNGER people tend to want or wish to do). I am NOT ready for the "porch rocking chair", hence my reluctance to give a lady my age much more than a passing thought. Yes, I'm over 50, but where is it written we HAVE to "grow up"? Finally, WE (men AND women over 50) are @ the age where we are NOT usually tied to financial or family burdens. I analogize my look on life like the motorcycle I ride...a rigid framed chopper over the cushy cumforts of a full dressed "2 wheeled car". Life's a ride we ONLY get on ONCE...time to "getcher knees in the breeze" and quit complainin' about arthritis ;-)

Anonymous said...

I will tell you that I am 53 and have recently met an incredible man, who I have been dating for 4 months. He is 62, takes care of himself and is a self proclaimed "old Jock".

We met on the internet (Match.com) and are having a start up relationship that in my book compares to none.

My advice:
Live a healthy lifestyle- eat right and EXERCISE.
Take pride in your personal presentation.
Be positive!
Learn how to flirt and regularly practice the art of flirting! Flirting can only help you feel better about yourself and others.
Finally, if you do all of the above, take some good photos of who you are and get on a quality online dating service.

Anonymous said...

You'd be hard put to find a man who wants to date a 55->60+ woman when he is fancing himself at a chance at a younger women...

The 53 year old gal is dating the 62 old man....are you kidding??...if he's such a great catch...why didn't he date a women his own age??...because he wants to date younger women!....

There is a tremendous amount of strong, atractive, health, active women who are 60+ in years but can't get a date....why??...'cause their age men are dating the 53 year olds....

Give a break sister...find someone your own age...then again,,maybe you can't as the men in your age arena are dating younger women too!...what do ya think....hmmm

samuel christian said...

Wow thanks so much, very useful post.

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Jeffery said...

I am a 53 year old male whom was married for 23 years to the love of my life. She is nine years younger than I am. She left me for a younger man whom is younger than she is. It has been 4 years sense my divorce and I want to start datng ladies my age. Younger women want to have a relationship with me, but I can not find someone my age that is willing to date and possible marriage. I am old fashion and believe in being faithful to my spouse. What's wrong with me?

Anonymous said...

Giving this some thought in reality the success rate for people finding younger partners is limited by the fact that there are probably not many interested individuals in the target age range. Those that are interested will most likely not be successful in their age range, they will have one handicap or another. So while everybody hopes for younger and more sexy, all will at some point have to settle with what they can have and maybe with a tearful eye towards what they really want. So even if she is 44 and has the audacity of asking for a man in his early 30s.. how many men that age will bother with her excluding the small percentage that is attracted to older women? Everybody has to compromise in the end, it boils down to a matter of finding out what compromises can be made. Personally I have found my niche with large obese women in their 20s and I'm 44 and I'm not at all shy to hit on the more slender yet older woman who says she wants younger. I'm available and good enough looking now but yes she can wait a decade for her youthful lover... Lol not, the clock keeps ticking, place your bets now and make your moves today.

Anonymous said...

I am a divorced woman aged 53, however my divorce came in my late 20's. Since then I have found no suitable partner though I would have liked to have known what it would be like to have really been in love before I died. My ex never loved me and I thought I was getting out early enough to stop living the lie and give myself a second chance. I do not find most men my age any more attractive than I did when I was younger. And considering that most at my age are divorced with children I really do not want to inherit that baggage. At this point, unless there is some rapid development in stem cell research giving hope to women over 50 of ever having a child, I won't be having one. As for men going through their mid-life crisis, the feeling is mutual. I am not interested. I would think that my only prospect would be to find a younger male who is sterile and has given up and gotten over the fact that he will never have kids. It would have to be an extraordinarily fun and fulfilling relationship as I have been alone with my freedom for so long it would be very hard to give it up. As it is I've all but given up on ever knowing what it is to be loved by someone. I am fully prepared to enter old age and death alone. I can say that I have a wonderful spaniel who adores me unconditionally. Dogs are fantastic emotional therapy.

Anonymous said...

I am a young 52 yr old woman, looking to "date" a nice guy. I am not in a rocking chair on my porch. The men I seem to attrack are MY age but call me a "wishful 25 yr old". Or they still get drunk and high for fun. I am active and out there having fun..where are the single men my age looking for the "good girl" who still can have fun?

africa girl said...

As I observed nowadays from my town, most middle-aged men really date older women like 40-50 years old.

I have a friend who has a girlfriend older than him about 10 years gap I think? He is now 45 years old and still single. His girlfriend has 2 kids and got divorced when she was 35 years old. I can say that my friend is really happy having his girlfriend now though it's older than him because of her unique characters that makes my friend love her that much.

See?I can really conclude that no matter how old are you still there will be someone who will really love you and choose to be with you forever!

Anonymous said...

i would not mind at all to date a woman over 50, and i am 58 myself. there are many women where i live that are very hard to meet, especially with their rotten attitude that many of them have. so many of us serious straight men just can't seem to meet a good woman nowadays, and many of the women where i live are LESBIANS ANYWAY.

Anonymous said...

I would love to swim in a creek! I don't have a garden, haven't been to a flea market in years. I took mc classes, golf 3x a week and drive a sportscar. I also work part time on cruise ships for fun.
I am a 54 year old female...!

Anonymous said...

Nothing wrong with that! I too was hurt, in more ways than one!I am 54 female. Believe in faithfulness and love.

Anonymous said...

For some reason the only people around me willing to date 50 year-old women are 20 year-old men, mostly 'cause they can't find a girl-friend their age and aren't picky, but honestly I've never seen one of those suitors actually being accepted, most of these women have children older than their suitors.

On the other hand, I see a lot of romantic 50 Y.O. Man 20 Y.O. Woman couples where age doesn't seem to matter.

No matter how mature these young lads were, women rejected them only for their age, while men tend not to discriminate downwards, sad that a lot of 50 Y.O. men do to their own age-group.

Anonymous said...

In my opinion, older men who date younger women are in serious denial. When I think of my ex trying to keep up with a young "chick", I cannot help laughing... Probably take him a week to recup from that one night of dancing and drinking. Of course, he must endure. No way he could complain about his aching back and knees to a 30 years old... Too funny!

Anonymous said...

52 and ride Harley softtail and would give you run for your money