While reading other blogs about divorce, I stumbled across a post written by a man in his fifties. He wrote about online dating, and about how surprisingly successful he'd been at meeting women. One pattern that revealed itself to him and that he found interesting was that some women "lied" about their ages, saying they were under 50 and using photographs taken when they were younger. The reason they "lied", I surmised, was because he (a man in his mid-fifties) was looking to date women younger than 50. The older women had 'fooled' him into going out with them.
His statement made me pause. Was I lying to my readers by using a photograph that a friend had taken during the throes of my divorce? The photo on my sidebar, I realized, was seven years old. I had to ask myself: Do I still look like that woman? Recent photos say I don't. My hair is grayer, and I have to dye it to keep it blonde. It isn't as shiny any more, and I am starting to develop slight, but visible bags under my eyes. In addition, I have gained weight, and the sweet doggie in the photo died about two years ago.
I didn't mean to "lie" to my readers. I simply chose that photo because it defined who I was when I was going through the trauma of divorce. I looked healthy and happy on the outside, yet inside I was bleeding.
Second, I changed my name to "Vic's Moving On." "Vic's Still Standing" seemed too static for the person I have become. Tonight my family commented again on how much the divorce has changed me. They have noticed my independence and eagerness to experience as much of life as I can while I can. This year I am taking classes in leadership, embarking on challenging projects at work, volunteering with a nonprofit organization, and joining a professional woman's organization to meet new people and network. All of these activities are new.
That man I mentioned earlier, is looking for someone much younger than me, even though is he only two years younger than I am. I surmise he wants the package to look a certain way on the outside. But what about the inside? Do 12, 24, or 36 calendar months really matter all that much in the great big scheme of things? I can empathize with a woman who is 51 or 52 years old and who wants to meet a man. What is she supposed to do when she joins an online dating service and sees that most of the men in her age range aren't interested in meeting a woman her age?
Those age cut-offs are one main reason that I don't bother to join an online dating service. Frankly, I'm looking for a man who wants to spend time with a mature, funny, dynamic, smart and talented woman, and who doesn't restrict himself from meeting a woman who happens to be a tad older than him. At this stage, I am willing to go out with men in their 40's, 50,s, 60's, and early 70's. Having said that, I will scour my photos to find a new one for my profile, one that shows me at my best as I look now.
Who knows, perhaps some nice 30 something hunk will chance to see it and be so entranced that he'll move heaven and earth to meet me.
Like, yeah.
Additional note: The blog post, Women Over 50 Dating by Susan Dunn, a clinical psychologist, assures women over 50 that there are plenty of men their age (or younger) who are searching for someone just like them. Middle aged men might try dating a younger woman once or twice, but the mature man will quickly start to look for someone closer to his age if he wants a lasting relationship. Click here to read it.
(Photo of a vibrant single woman over 50, Marianne Faithful, Mick Jagger's and Eric Clapton's former girlfriend, chanteuse, and actress.)
9 comments:
Moving on, good on you. I liked the still standing moniker though, didn't seem static to me, seemed strong. I tried internet dating briefly after my separation. Yes the requirements are too static. The fellow I eventually met (at work) is much too young (and tubby) to fit my original (supposed) requirements.
A true relationship comes from the heart and the more you love someone the more beautiful they become.
In principle, a good happen, support the views of the author
As a divorced man over 50, the MAIN reason I tend to shy away from dating women MY age is I find the VAST majority ACT their age. Activities like Flea markets, antiquing, gardening, grandchildren, physical ailments have subplanted fri night beer & wings, riding a motorcycle, Rock concerts, willing to swim in a creek JUST because it looks inviting to name but a few (IE, things YOUNGER people tend to want or wish to do). I am NOT ready for the "porch rocking chair", hence my reluctance to give a lady my age much more than a passing thought. Yes, I'm over 50, but where is it written we HAVE to "grow up"? Finally, WE (men AND women over 50) are @ the age where we are NOT usually tied to financial or family burdens. I analogize my look on life like the motorcycle I ride...a rigid framed chopper over the cushy cumforts of a full dressed "2 wheeled car". Life's a ride we ONLY get on ONCE...time to "getcher knees in the breeze" and quit complainin' about arthritis ;-)
I will tell you that I am 53 and have recently met an incredible man, who I have been dating for 4 months. He is 62, takes care of himself and is a self proclaimed "old Jock".
We met on the internet (Match.com) and are having a start up relationship that in my book compares to none.
My advice:
Live a healthy lifestyle- eat right and EXERCISE.
Take pride in your personal presentation.
Be positive!
Learn how to flirt and regularly practice the art of flirting! Flirting can only help you feel better about yourself and others.
Finally, if you do all of the above, take some good photos of who you are and get on a quality online dating service.
You'd be hard put to find a man who wants to date a 55->60+ woman when he is fancing himself at a chance at a younger women...
The 53 year old gal is dating the 62 old man....are you kidding??...if he's such a great catch...why didn't he date a women his own age??...because he wants to date younger women!....
There is a tremendous amount of strong, atractive, health, active women who are 60+ in years but can't get a date....why??...'cause their age men are dating the 53 year olds....
Give a break sister...find someone your own age...then again,,maybe you can't as the men in your age arena are dating younger women too!...what do ya think....hmmm
Wow thanks so much, very useful post.
Introductions, Inc
I am a 53 year old male whom was married for 23 years to the love of my life. She is nine years younger than I am. She left me for a younger man whom is younger than she is. It has been 4 years sense my divorce and I want to start datng ladies my age. Younger women want to have a relationship with me, but I can not find someone my age that is willing to date and possible marriage. I am old fashion and believe in being faithful to my spouse. What's wrong with me?
Giving this some thought in reality the success rate for people finding younger partners is limited by the fact that there are probably not many interested individuals in the target age range. Those that are interested will most likely not be successful in their age range, they will have one handicap or another. So while everybody hopes for younger and more sexy, all will at some point have to settle with what they can have and maybe with a tearful eye towards what they really want. So even if she is 44 and has the audacity of asking for a man in his early 30s.. how many men that age will bother with her excluding the small percentage that is attracted to older women? Everybody has to compromise in the end, it boils down to a matter of finding out what compromises can be made. Personally I have found my niche with large obese women in their 20s and I'm 44 and I'm not at all shy to hit on the more slender yet older woman who says she wants younger. I'm available and good enough looking now but yes she can wait a decade for her youthful lover... Lol not, the clock keeps ticking, place your bets now and make your moves today.
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