2/1/07

Learning to be fabulously single

Being alone gets easier. Take my word for it. Three years ago I never thought I would reach this level of contentment. The restlessness is gone. The yearning to be someone's mate has receded. I am who I am, I like who I've become, I feel strong at my job and career, and I like spending the rare occasion alone in my cozy home.

Seven years ago I railed and ranted against being single. I yearned for those couples nights out at a restaurant or at parties. Each time I found myself alone at an event, I would secretly cry. Then, one day early this summer I realized that my fight against my single state was over. I was ... content, and at times deliriously happy.

I've had a serious relationship since my divorce. It lasted four years, and I experienced some of the happiest moments of my life while I was with this wonderful person. He too was smarting from a failed marriage when we met, and I like to think we healed each other. I am still friends with this man, because his friendship is worth keeping. We agreed on everything but one minor point: To stay together.

These days I hang around with my three girlfriends. We call ourselves the four divas. We're planning a trip to the beach in March to just hang around, shop, and eat fabulous seafood. We always meet for cocktails on Friday night to decompress after a long week of work. What a nice way to start the weekend! And we are so outrageous in our conversation, so fabulously middle aged, and so confident in our own skins, that I revel in our Diva-ness.

Edina and Patsy, those two lushes and druggies from Absolutely Fabulous, that outrageous British Series from the early 90's, have no clue how wonderful a sober female relationship can be. Or how divine it feels to be able to stand on your own two feet without drugs or alcohol or alimony, pay your way through your own talents, and make your own decisions. My life right now? I'm very content and often happy. And if a man should enter my life at any point? Gravy!

4 comments:

hisheulb said...

Enjoyed this. It's good to read about someone feeling happy and positive. Sounds like it would be fun to be a fly on the wall after work on Fridays. - H

Kayla said...

Bravo! It's amazing how society brainwashes us to believe we can't be happy in life unless we have a spouse/significant other to share it with. So people go out to bars, or perhaps worse, find dates online because "life is so mediocre if you aren't in love". Of course, this is bunk. People need to be secure in themselves...but many times they pull someone into unhappy drama in hopes that person will fill them and complete them. I don't want someone to "complete" me. I just want someone who is happy along side of me not because of me. And if not, I will be happy being single and enjoying all life has to offer...it's a precious gift!

Vic's Still Standing said...

Kayla and hisheulb...
bravo! I recently listened to an NPR podcast: Juatice Talking. In it, Margo Adler discussed the lives of singles. And they were ok.

I have discovered, to my surprise, that being single is ok too.

Kayla...you are so right. No one can complete me. I AM complete just as I am.

Vic's Still Standing said...

I meant, Justice Talking. Cool podcasts. Just go to http://www.justicetalking.org/
and sign up.