Point of No Return

Those who desert a marriage have a different set of issues to deal with than those of us who are abandoned. By the time my husband quit our marriage, he had gone through months of making decisions and dealing with the issue of divorce and separation. When he moved out of the house, to his way of thinking his obligations to me were over.

Where I was reeling from shock and grappling with his rejection, he was feeling relieved and ready to move on. Oh, he had some issues of guilt to deal with, which is why I think he came to therapy, but he behaved and acted like a single man.

A major snowstorm, unusual for Richmond, hit the area about two weeks after he moved out. I recall going out every hour or so to shovel the snow to keep my car and driveway clear. Although he had the four wheel drive vehicle, Bob didn’t call or check up on me until three days after the storm. Still stuck on my street, as the plows hadn’t come by yet, I asked him to drive me to the grocery store. He performed this kindness with so little grace that I never asked him for a favor again.

This online article, Saving a Marriage Alone, accurately describes Bob’s reason for abandoning me:

"I find that spouses who are running away from their marriage are in three
main groups:

Group 1) The Dreamy: This is a person who seeks romance, adventure and an
exciting new life. They believe their spouse is holding them back.

Group 2) The Angry: This type of spouse seeks revenge and cannot calm down
because their spouse ignites even more vengeance which they cannot control for
any amount of reason.

Group 3) The Affair: In this group, the spouse has met their romantic match
who fills them with feelings of love and acceptance while their marriage partner
of years leaves them feeling empty.".

It turns out that Bob belonged to Group 1. By the time I began to realize that my marriage was in serious trouble, he had already passed the point of no return


FI0NA said...

This reminds me of the 20 year marriage of a friend of a friend. When the guy left he said "I'm sorry darling, but I left this marriage 18 months ago" to which she apparently replied (or later confided in her friends she wished she'd replied) "Well you might've told me" because everything else in the garden was rosy. She really had no idea. I like the photo too by the way - perfectly nice functional chair abandoned on beach after storm. Nice imagary.

Vic's Still Standing said...

Great anecdote. Thanks FiOna. Hope you are well

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