Be aware of rebound relationships after your divorce

I noticed last week that Tom Arnold filed for divorce from his third wife. Mr. Arnold, if you recall, was married to Roseanne Barr. She, too, has been married three times, as has Quincy Jones. Donald Trump, Jennifer Lopez, and Tom Cruise are on their third marriages. What are the odds of these unions lasting? I'd be reluctant to place a bet.

I have noticed since my own divorce the number of people my age (and younger) who have been married three times. Three men I dated were married thrice. All of them were nice, hard-working, and respectable individuals who tried their best to make their second and third marriages work. My former sister-in-law, also divorce-prone, is married to her third husband. In between these unions, she had two serious relationships with men with whom she bought and shared a house.

Had I married my first serious beau after my divorce, I'd be divorced twice by now. The thought is mindboggling.

From the start I was leery of the rebound relationship I embarked on after my divorce. The big warning signal? This wonderful man had been married three times already. Nevertheless, I went out with him and fell in love because:
  • He was different from Bob
  • He was kind, gentle, and sexy
  • I needed affirmation as a woman
  • He made me laugh at a time when I was still crying
  • I was lonely
After the first flush of excitement receded we both discovered:
  • We loved and cared for each other
  • We had nothing in common, not even politics
  • The relationship was going nowhere
  • We were getting restless
We lasted for four years, and although my break up with this man was hard emotionally, I kept my finances intact and there were no legal issues to resolve. So, as you feel your way through your new life, be careful of a rebound relationship and give yourself some time to adjust to your single state. My best advice to you (and myself) is to marry your next love for all the right reasons, and to love them for who they are, not for who you want them (or need them) to be.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your story sounds so similar to mine. Divorced after 30 years with a fine husband; had rebound relationship with a guy 15 years younger; lived together 2 years with every day a joy. However, we lived in denial that we had little in common and he eventually left me for a woman 8 years younger than himself. He did give up a good lifestyle with me and now lives in poverty, but I guess the urge to reproduce was too strong. (they are pregnant) Anyway, old fool I am (at 53) I went through the broken hearted phase but now am determined to never be a cougar again! Just have to find a 53 yr old guy who isn't too fixed in his ways.