7/17/07

Cleaning House: Getting Rid of the Last Vestiges of My Marriage

I spent this past weekend tripping down memory lane as I dismantled a bookshelf Bob put up in our guest room 18 years ago. It was a heavy piece of furniture made of oak that had yellowed. Every time I looked at it which was daily, for it sat in my office, I thought of him. We had bought this piece in 1983 just after he'd gotten his first 'real' job, as a tenure bound professor at a major university.

I chucked the unit out yesterday, giving it to my special male friend. He was delighted to receive it and I was ecstatic to get rid of it. However, I had no idea how much stuff this unit held. Out came the books (all 500 of them), and photos I had stashed in the drawers below. Out tumbled a photo a friend had taken of Bob and me when we just got engaged. You could feel the heat and see the love in our eyes. Out tumbled another photo of Bob's graduation from High School, which was the way he looked when we first met.

Having to deal with those reminders was the bad news. The good news is that I felt no pangs of regret. I choose to remember those early good days, the love we felt for each other and the fondness I held for his parents, and in doing so I've reclaimed over half my life.

Still, I have new plans for my office, which will soon have an entirely different, more modern look. The next piece of furniture to go is the file cabinet, also made of oak. First I will have to delve into files that were labeled by Bob and still contain much of his memorabilia. But one step at a time. The day is coming closer when I will be completely over the divorce - and him.

The photo above is not of the two of us.

3 comments:

FI0NA said...

Something in there reminds me of my moving in experience when I found "all those little remnants" of my marriage and couldn't quite let them go. You are a brave and wise woman and have really found the solution, don't hurt or regret but enjoy the memories

Vic's Still Standing said...

Oh, Fiona, I just read your beautiful post. Yeah, out fluttered those memories. But they are yours and they are precious. The thing is to hold onto the love and let go of the hate and disappointment. I have had to split my life in two: the before and the after. For me, the after has been an unexpected journey of strength, hardship, newfound friends and love, and wonder. In between there were more tears than I could count. I hope yours is just as rich.

Vic's Still Standing said...

Your journey, I meant. I hope it is worth all the pain you are experiencing at present. Thank you for visiting. I am always amazed at the parallels in our lives.