Single or divorced? Where am I now?

I’ve been divorced for 6 ½ years. Do I consider myself divorced or single? Both. It depends on who asks.

These days my 26-year-long marriage seems like a distant dream. I still know my ex intimately as I remember him during our marriage, but I wouldn’t recognize him easily today if I saw him walking down the street. I’ve only seen him twice since 2001. He’s aged, gained weight, and looks at me coldly. More than anything it’s those cold eyes that make him a stranger. (Believe me, I still wonder what I’ve done to deserve such censure.)

I've lived alone long enough to know that sharing my house with a new mate would take some mental adjustments. I like doing precisely what I want, when I want, and how I wamt. It would be hard to give up all my space and freedom. Then again, it would be nice to wake up with someone I love in my bed.

I doubt I’ll get married again unless I totally, completely fall for someone who's equally besotted with me. But what are the chances of this happening at my age? I’m 58 years old, though most of my young coworkers place me in my early 40’s. I know my worth, both as an intelligent, talented, and self-sufficient woman, and as a sexy, bright, fun-loving, and inventive lover. I refuse to dumb myself down, and I do not need a man to complete me. This attitude alone turns a lot of men off, and believe me, there aren't many eligible choices lying around.

To complicate matters, I am looking for someone who has been married, loved being married, adores women, and didn’t leave his wife for some obscure reason like “I want something more, Vic” – only to get married to an exact but younger duplicate of me. I want to find someone who has been married before and who values women, and who will love me for my mind, body, and soul. In turn, I will adore such a wonderful and beautiful partner. I have done so fervently before.

I love men. I love their minds, their bodies, and their uncomplicated way of tackling difficult tasks. I love the way they are always available to help me with a hard physical chore. I loved being someone’s mate. So where does this leave me? I don’t know. But I do know this: I intend to live my life to the fullest, love who I am, and be content with what fate has in store for me. Sound simple? No. It’s been a tough battle every step of the way.

1 comment:

FI0NA said...

I love your uncompromising approach. Yes!!! Stay SINGLE until LOVE. A small part of me wants to believe I am single even though I am clearly in a de facto relationship now, I just want to be ME I want some time OFF marriage. Just for a MINUTE!!!! Clearly I am not ready to remarry - sad but true....And we don't really have to call ourselve divorcees do we? not really?. Love your blog! And thanks for reading mine!!!