4/5/09

Nine Years After Divorce: A Poem

Now that you're gone,
And my fears have quieted,
and the silence has crept in
as a familiar and welcome
companion...

Now that you're gone so long
that my sharp sensory memory of you
has been dimmed
by the inevitable forgiveness of time...

Now that you've been gone so long
that I've forgotten your touch
and that secret look and smile
you reserved just for me...

Now,
with the fullness and passage of time,
I can recall a sweeter and gentler
us...

and realize I am still whole and matter.

13 comments:

Kerry said...

What a great service you are providing...brava! I take a light a poignant point of view re divorice and being suddenly single on my blog
http://marinsuddenlysingle.wordpress.com
and find my best tools are humor and writing...and yoga, friends, hiking...
all the very best to you! Kerryon

Anonymous said...

I JUST LANDED ON YOUR SITE, BUT I WAS SEACHING FOR DIVORCE AT 50 AND LANDED HER. LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF GREAT HELP. I WILL BE 50 IN AUGUST AND WAS WITH MY SOON TO BE EX FOR 33YRS AND MARRIED TO HIM FOR 28 AND FOUR CHILDREN. CAN'T WAIT TO READ ALL YOU SUGGESTIONS. THANK YOU ALREADY.

jonathan said...

Hi.. what a great poem. I love it and can feel a bit how you have been going through all the stages. Yes, you are a whole person.

PRC said...

I don't know if you know that I read this blog and love it. I wish you had been around in the early 1970s to see me through my awful divorce.

peter said...

i can understand your situation because this phase of life are very hard to spent because specially when you spent time with some one and sudden come alone hard to adjust.

Vic said...

Thank you for your comments, everyone. I've neglected this blog. One reason is that as time passed and my healing began, I no longer needed to write about the issues that once affected me so strongly. And yet, I keep receiving notes from others and feel I still have experiences to share.

Thank you all for dropping by. Vic

Making a Will said...

Such a great poem Vic!

I am searching for myself said...

Please keep sharing your thoughts because I am going through what you have gone through. I feel so lifted after reading how you feel as time passes. I am into the stage of finding my own self and is moving on well . . .

margot said...

I thought I was done
that the battle was won

I thought,like you, that the memories were thankfully dim.
Comfort it seemed had finally come by simply forgetting him!

But yesterday...from depths that were hidden
Suddenly there welled up feelings unbidden

The pain and the fear
At the top must have been near
For once again like before
It feels like I cannot endure:

The feelings of lost love and esteem
From my dear one; the other half of a winning team.

My soulmate of 23 years
He who quelled all the fears
That we’d ever part
Or break one another’s heart

But again like a razor sharp knife
His betrayal cut deep as I saw, for the first time, his new wife

How happy he must be far far away in their life by the sea
How dare he! Sneak back to the place dearest to the children and me

You see….

He knew not of the sand and the sea
Before he met me
It was a sacred legacy
from my parents To me

Thanks to PA law, that dear place he forced out of our life
Was able to turn it to cash for he and his new wife

Again and again my heart
Was thus ripped apart
As he took and he took
With each hateful look

As he and his patient turned lover
Raped me over and over
Till finally any love that was in me
Went out like a flare splashing into the sea

And when my love was no longer there
I somehow ceased to remember or care

And it was then that I entered a state of forgetting
And the pain was no longer unrelenting

So please, dear God please, someone tell me how to regroup
And find an easy way to loop
Back into that peaceful place
Where I cannot remember…
his face...
In the morning light as the sun through our window shone
On the glittering ocean as night came undone
Or his voice when he said we’d never part
And professed that clearly I’d stolen his heart
Or the 23 years that he we had sheer love steeped bliss
Or his passionate kiss
Or his loving touch
Or his kindly smile and such

Yes, in this fog of forgetting I need to return
Yes it is wrapped in this blanket without care or concern
Where I felt somehow protected
From feeling …once again... rejected..

Cast out like a dishrag
Or some worn out old hag
Crying rivers of tears once again
Though for what I cannot determine

Is it self pity
Or mere jealousy?

Is it some misdirected thought
That life is fair, paid for and bought

So as not to have to have any pain
Just sweetness and gain?

Perhaps it IS this illusion I cannot let go of
That keeps me from remembering love

And for that matter, it could not have been real
If some other could steal
It away from us
And if so,then what’s all the fuss?

Should be simple to accept
Not a tear should be wept
For surely it was just a dream
Or so it would seam

But please oh please I must find a way back to that place
Where no trace of his face

Remains in any detail
In this quest I can not fail

I shall not waste one more day
He can have it his way
I am afterall the far luckier one
I have 3 wonderful children

Who care not for him
He who walked out on them also
Simply to satisfy his own ego

So together we stand and face everyday
Hoping and hoping his memory will fade away and away and away and away and away………..

Vic said...

Margot, My heart broke when I read your poem. It was touching and powerful and I thank you for sharing it.

It has been a while since I have written for this blog, so forgive me for taking so long to find it.

Anonymous said...

SANDRA FAIR,

For those of you who chance to meet,
The girl I loved, a love so sweet,
Sandra fair, and Sandra wise,
Sandra Then, with no disguise,

Tell her please of this you read,
Of these loving words I now am said,
Grateful then my heart she bekoned
Grateful truly for every second.

Her abscent escense,
eternally missed,
Her bodily presence,
I once had kissed.

Existance has changed and now so has she
Unconvinced of the truth she then had to flee,
Now all that has been is all that will be
Her future is lies not given by me.

If there is a reason and this is its ryhme
perhaps we were given just so much of time
Because we were needed and never to blame
For loving so strongly, yet never the same.

I will forever miss, what we once were.



Truth is my divorce of 25 years is still going on and even though the poem is where I want to be. The pain is unimaginable at times. The rock in my stomach has been there for 4 months. But here is what I have to offer.

One day while in the abyss my dearest friend Tom told me this:
"When we hang up I want you to fall to your knee's and pray, 'Man down, need help'. I dont recall if I fell to my knees, I think I actually fell over to the side, but I remember the sincerity I felt when I prayed, 'Man down, need help'. Relief and healing began almost immediately. I now use this prayer along with 'Take your next breath alone' as mantra's. It's working. Please try it. God reminds me when the pains reimurge, but this prayer and idea of self never once have let me down. My co-depence ends when I realize I must breath and no one can do it for me, the poem I wrote rings of truth everytime I tell God 'Man down, need help'. When the most perfect love you have ever known turns to its antithesis, when their perception of you turns from hero to zero, there are not always reasons or methods to survive. There is only acceptance. And the greatest acceptance imaginable is that of God for us. We are machines, machines fail, and God is the only mechanic in town. Whoever he she or it is to you. Say to God: 'Man or Woman down, need help, cant do this alone.' You will soon see you are not alone. And, when you 'take your next breath alone' you are centered and become yourself in your next interaction with existance. You dont bring all the crap with you influencing who you are. You become yourself,as God intended.
Sincerely Yours,
Hal Kravcik II

Orlando Divorce Lawyer said...

Personally, I found the poem on divorce and dissolution of marriage outstanding. Thanks for sharing such awesome content.

Calgary custom home builder said...

I love your poem. You're a good writer.