10/13/08

Divorced After 51 Years

It's never too late to make the decision, and I suppose in this case it was better late than never. Mr. Velsey apparently beat his wife and their relationship had been volatile for over 25 years. This divorce case between a couple in their seventies occurred in 1885, and was reported in the New York Times during that period.

The tintypes at right are not of the couple.

My blog has been quiet for some months, and this has been on purpose. I found myself getting angry and blaming others for my actions and emotions. So, I decided to lay off writing until I could figure out what was happening.

These downward spiraling cycles occur even to the best of us. There are times when it is easier to blame others (in my case, Bob), than to face the truth about oneself - that one is not entirely blameless for what has occurred in one's life. I am beginning to see patterns that I repeat in my relationship with others, especially men, and how I sabotage myself. Sometimes looking in a mirror isn't pretty, and it is easier to hide from the truth than face one's thoughts and actions directly.

In addition, my fears have been taking over - fear of aging, fear of losing my job, fear of losing my health and my talents. There are so many fears to conquer! And then there is the sense of time rushing by and wondering where all the years went and that they can never be recaptured. I work with people half my age and realize their lives are still in front of them, while mine has tipped over to just past its prime. At times I can feel panic creeping in.

And then there is my pent up anger, which has been building. I realize that I will probably live the rest of my life alone and I cannot describe how scary that thought is. I crave affection and am not ready to give up on the sexual, sensual side of me. (Yes, I give affection - loads of it - and I receive it in spades from family and friends - but not from a lover, and there's the rub, you see.) There are days when I simply feel enraged - how could the love of my life simply get up and leave and find a replacement less than six months later? How could he?

After some soul searching, I have decided to resume this blog and share my ongoing journey as a single woman. So far, it hasn't been easy.
As an aside: I am proud to announce that my blog will be included in the Best Resources for Divorced Parents Post on Teens Today.com. (In part, this is what their email said: I wanted to tell you that someone submitted you to us! We have reviewed your website with a few of my teen interns and we decided to choose your website to include in our Best Resources for Divorced Parents Post).

Since I adore young people, I am deeply honored. Thank you Teens Today. I look forward to reading your article.

5 comments:

Fi0nai0na said...

I recognise those panicky feelings too. Glad you're back, I am an avid reader, always finding something in here to feed my soul.

MichelleB said...

Glad you are back too, I love your blog. I felt all that anger and sadness after divorcing my husband of 30 years too. But after I sold the diamond engagement ring he gave me to www.idonowidont.com I felt some closure finally. I even feel like looking for a new guy again!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on being recognized as a "best resource." Your blog is the only one I have Bookmarked and regularly check, hoping for another post. My husband left me after 26 years and remarried 4 months after our divorce decree. At 57, I also feel the anxiety about growing old alone and the rage against him for abandoning me so far into what I truly believed was a lifetime journey together. Thank you for your wise words.

Anonymous said...

I was just wondering if anyone believes in destiny?
www.GodYesOrNo.com

eva said...

I stumbled on your blog by accident, started from twitter, and went on a tangent. You write beautifully about sad things. I bet many women are grateful for your posts. Good luck.
Meanwhile, if you can help me with my research for a book - I need to hear / read stories about mothers-in-law, all kinds of stories. I'll appreciate your help.
thank you evagoodmil@gmail.com