8/13/11

The Psycho Ex Wife: It's Really About Letting Go

Two blogs, two responses to the aftermath of divorce: one is entitled The Psycho Ex Wife, the other is named Divorced at Fifty. Guess which blogger has been able to largely move on? Me.

I learned about The Psycho Ex Wife, a blog begun in 2007 by Anthony Morelli (right) and his new partner, a woman named Misty Weaver Ostinato, only after it was shut down. The blog's tagline was: "The true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent (child) custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (at least from our armchair psychologist diagnosis), and the husband's new partner."

Unsurprisingly, a judge ordered the blog to be shut down for outright cruelty. Some of Morelli's descriptions of his ex-wife (right), the mother of his two children, include such choice terms as ‘Jabba the Hut’ and a 'black-out drunk'.

Morelli's blog, which also featured discussion groups, was so popular that it attracted 200,000 followers per month. One person who wasn't a fan was his former wife. Apparently Anthony's (and his partner's) continuing and ongoing anger centered around child custody issues. Both natural parents shared joint custody, which in a sensible and sane world seems to be a logical arrangement. But Anthony was not only unhappy, he needed a place to vent, and thus he started his blog. He tried to hide his identity and that of his ex-wife, but unfortunately his kids discovered what their father was doing and asked him to stop.

At the judgment, Judge Diane Gibbons said: "Your children are being hurt because you are bad mouthing the woman they love in public," she said. "Should I put them with the man who is publicly browbeating their mother?" (New York Daily News) Good question. The former Mrs. Morelli heaved a sigh of relief after the hearing, saying ‘What the judge said in court made perfect sense to me. Stop doing what you're doing, and do the right thing for your children’ (Daily Mail)

Anthony's response was to fight the decision on the basis of first amendment rights. Here is the link to the blog today, which has changed its focus to freedom of speech (He is soliciting donations for his court battle.)

I hate to say this, Anthony, but the issue really isn't about First Amendment Rights, it's about letting go of your anger and being a good parent. As a blogger, I understand the need for self expression and that we have the constitutional right to do so. How you go about this is another thing. While Anthony's blog feeds his dissatisfaction and stokes his anger, my blog serves to heal me.

I began my blog a year before Anthony, and found to my delight and amazement that as I wrote about my feelings about divorce, loneliness, and separation, that I was able to let go of much of my sadness, anger, fear, and grief. Oh, there were times when I was tempted to write a truly nasty post about my ex, who I felt was playing games with me, but what would have been the point? How would such posts have helped me to let go and move on?

Anthony needs to answer this question: What's more important - his right to say what he wants when he wants to, or his role as a parent? If his need to express his anger is truly more important than his children's well-being and their desire that he stop hurting their mother in public, then the judge made a good point: why should she place the children with a man who is willing to browbeat their mother in public?

As for his claim that he was giving others with custody issues a forum for discussion, I say that he had a choice to take the high road, one that his children could have been proud of. The biggest gift my divorced mother gave me, a child who always hungered for her father, was not to say one negative thing about him as I was growing up. (As an adult I found out for myself what sort of a man he was, but my mother did nothing to influence those conclusions until I approached her at 19 and began to ask questions, for his behavior confused me. Thank you, Mom.)

Divorce is tough enough on kids without the parents making things worse and using them as pawns or as an excuse to keep their fight going. It seems that Anthony's post-divorce battle with his ex has lasted almost as long as the marriage itself. It's time that he concentrate his immense energies somewhere else - on his children, for instance, and making their happiness his number one priority.

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12 comments:

Dave said...

I understand your point. Each one of us who go through this horrible experience deals with it in different ways. Anthony Morelli and I dealt with it in similar ways. The judge in my court never asked me to remove my site nor was I asked to by the ex. http://LindaLobo.info

Salt Lake City Divorce Attorney said...

Seriously, I think Anthony Morelli should grow up. Instead of taking a step back, try to make a step forward. If we fill our lives with anger, I don't think we can ever enjoy life. Life is about moving on and forgiving.

Magnolia said...

I guess I can't help but think that the 'smeller is the feller'. You know, we always see our worst faults in someone else?

Maybe Anthony is the psycho? Who else would spend so much time engulfing themselves in so much bitterness and anger?

That alone would make anyone psycho.

Family law said...

I absolutely agree and I feel that anger can never get you out of any situation instead it makes things worse and I really wish that he looks at it all with a different perspective.

Nicola said...

When I read stories like this I am glad (again) that I chose not to take my soon-to-be-ex to the cleaners some 15 years ago, for the sake of my young son.
I never even considered it for my own sake, but got that as a bonus, as I can now imagine the upheaval that this would have caused in my life, considering the sociopathic side of my son's father.
I sometimes think of the money I could have had... but, one consolation: it would all be gone now anyway!

Family lawyers Brisbane said...

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Women Panties said...

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Lexie said...

just found your blog today and interestingly, know several of your readers from sex addiction blogs. small world.

this man is a classic narcissist--obviously.

very sad for his kids.

narcs do things to provoke anger and rage and then play all innocent...

right.

looking forward to reading your blog and all of the links. I need all the help i can get! xo

Anonymous said...

Some of you have it all wrong, IMHO.

I think you have been taken in by a truly bad parent, Allison Morelli, because Anthony Morelli tried to find some way to anonymously help himself and others afflicted with a psycho ex and was discovered.

Allison Morelli even today is visiting websites that have written about the Psycho Ex website as a first amendment issue and is posting attacks on them. She has been spamming them, too.

She's also the one who put the kids on TV.

You also didn't mention that she is an alcoholic. That's not a point of dispute. She admits it and the court refers to it.

You also do not mention the contempt of court or the malicious misuse of the police by Allison Morelli.

Your statement that the kids found out about the site first is also disputed. You say it as if it is a fact, but there is no proof of its accuracy.

Another version of events is that Allison Morelli found out about the site because she was looking for sites with divorce info and recognized her nasty emails on the site. She spammed the site to no effect. Later she showed the kids the site to put pressure on their father to shut it down.

Because he used foul language in some his writing, it made it easy for Allison to twist and distort people's thinking into that she is a victim that she is not.

Also, as to the idea that Anthony Morelli should move on -- how do you move on when every week you are confronted with more lies, violations of court orders, attacks on you executed by misusing the cops, your kids reporting that their mother was drunk and kicked them out of the house, etc?

Allison Morelli is not some innocent angel. The ex described how she has tormented himn, his new girlfriend, and the kids. So he and the GF wrote about it anonymously to cope with it and help others in similar bad situations.

Also, you are misportraying the website. Only around a quarter to a third of the material on the site could be construed as having something to do with Allison Morelli directly.

Allison's emails were redacted to hide names and identifying details. Enough was left to give the flavor that she is crazy and that somebody who knew what she wrote, for example her, could recognize it. I have seen no denial by her that she actually wrote that abusive garbage. She is so crazy that she wanted to take credit for writing it so she could portray herself as a victim to people who didn't bother to read the site (like you admitted is the case for you), and so convincing that she conned the judge into believing her lies without a full hearing, chance to voice opposition to her distortions, and without allowing for what was actually on the website.

Storm Dweller said...

I know this is an old post, and I felt compelled to respond. I read for a short time over at the Psycho Ex-wife, before it was shut down, and I did get the impression that the blog was anonymously written in order to vent frustrations. I can certainly understand this, as I have often used my blog to vent frustrations about my ex's particular brand of shenanigans, and am concerned about the legal ramifications of this judge's rulings will have on those of us who utilize blogs as anonymous public diaries. Where I will agree with you, is the unhealthy focus of nothing but the frustration and anger over the ex as shown on the Psycho Ex-Wife. I certainly have my share of frustraion with my ex-husband, however that is a minimal piece of my blog posts in comparison to the accomplishments my children are making, my own personal struggles, challenges, accomplishments, and the daily angst of being a single mom trying to move on with life. The Psycho Ex-Wife provided a place to vent and empathize for a number of people going through contentious divorce and custody issues, but I could see how it can be seen as a shrine for vindictiveness and frustration for the people authoring it, and an incredibly unhealthy focus. I did enjoy a number of his later posts in which he compared the results of choosing not to engage an argument, versus the early interactions which deteriorated into high conflict exchanges that were beneficial to no one, least of all the children, early on in the divorce and custody proceedings. Do not engage was the best advice I ever got when I started down the road for custody and divorce in my own case.

Anonymous said...

"It's not about his 1st Amendment rights."

Yeah, you WOULD advocate the loss of the First Amendment, wouldn't you?

Dating divorced men said...

Divorce is and will always be a "permanent severance of a relationship." The meaning of this may require an explanation: It means that you're both going to 'cut the matrimonial cord.' Once people understand this, then they can start getting on to a better life, which is just waiting for them.