Life After Divorce: Living in the Moment

I recently wrote a post about my fear for the future and my old age. One way that I combat my anxiety is to concentrate on the present - the beauty of the sunset, a peaceful morning, success in completing my projects, and enjoyment of the book I am reading.

I look to my dog for guidance. He is happy when he is fed or simply near me, and looks anxious when he is confused or lost. Once he deals with his immediate problems, he is at peace again, for he lives in the moment. I wish I could just simply ... be, like Cody.

Fear of the future and dwelling on past mistakes are powerful deterrents to happiness. I struggle every day to find my balance, reduce my anxiety, and find a sense of contentment. There are days when I am able to let go. That's when I enjoy life the most.

• Living in the Moment
• The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment
• Living in the Moment Really Does Make People Happier
• How to transform anxiety

Divorce Party Invitation

Now here's something to wrap your mind around: divorce party invitations. As this blog states:

Most divorce parties are held when a couple is finally independent of one another, in other words, when the divorce is finalized. An alimony party may be held a year or so after the divorce, when the one party is no longer paying alimony to their past spouse. Most divorce/alimony parties are centered around the divorcee and are filled with cocktails, great food and good times, be it at a club or a back yard barbecue with friends…it’s like a backwards bachelorette party, celebrating the person’s newfound single territory!

A sign of the times? As one niece once told me, "My first marriage will be for practice."

How Long Does is Take to Recover from Divorce?

I recall my lawyer and counselor telling me that it would take five years to recover from divorce. "FIVE YEARS?!" I screeched. That seemed like a lifetime. In a sense they were right. It took 2 years to emerge from my shell and craft a new life, and another 3 years before I felt like myself again. I emerged as a new person with a new lifestyle, new friends, and new goals. This process took much reflection and time.

Each person recovers according to their own time line. It is important to feel the pain, however, and to reflect on the part you played in the ending of your marriage.

One thing I learned: Although I went kicking and screaming into the divorce, I emerged a stronger person. I had a more realistic sense of who I was and what I was capable of doing. There was one other important point I realized: If Bob ever asked to return, I would not in a million years take him back, for I have moved on.

• Why it took an agonising 547 days to recover (just) from the pain of my marriage breakdown by Hanna Angel provides an excellent insight in how one person dealt with the end of her marriage. According to her, she took 18 months to recover from the initial shock.